You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am one with the molecules
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
