ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
