My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
