Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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