Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
