Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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