I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
