Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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