I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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