I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
