Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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