I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
