the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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