the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
