and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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