He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
