The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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