So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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