mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
