I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
