Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
