I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
