I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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