I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
