best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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