Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
