Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
