I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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