I got chris browned last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
