no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
