I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
