I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
