I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
