my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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