smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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