gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
