new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
