...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
