I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
