Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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