Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
