Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
