My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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