i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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