Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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