i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
