I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
