You can't motorboat a personality
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
