he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
