I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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