i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
