sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
