I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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