Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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