Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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