S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
40s are totally the cure
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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