It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
