If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
someone owes me an orgasm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
