so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
