There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
