lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
