how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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