doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize