So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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