SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
