I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
