I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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