i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
