I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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