It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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