P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
