true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
