You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
