She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
