Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
