it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
