I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
